Those Thrilling (And Funny) Days of Yesteryear

People are funny.  We progress from the written page to the Kindle, where we merely read the written page on a hand-held device where it takes us 10% longer, but it's 'neat'.  We've progressed from old-time radio to television and viewing films on the Internet, yet there are groups forming all the time to recreate the classic radio shows and people listen to old radio all the time. 

Why?



Gracie Allen and George Burns

 For one thing, it's darn good.  Jack Benny allowed us to laugh at him, not at his jokes.  George Burns and Gracie Allen got us thoroughly confused, due to Gracie's ramblings.  Bob Hope's monologues cracked people up, and they never knew where he was going to be broadcasting from.  Fred Allen was going to be sharp as a tack.  The Shadow would get the villains, and so would the Lone Ranger.  The door on 'Inner Sanctum' would frighten everyone as it squeaked every week.

Radio allowed the audience to use one's imaginations, something that today's entertainment hasn't done in a long, long time.  The sound effects people actually let us think Jack Benny went way down into the depths of the earth to get his money, using all sorts of alarms.  No matter how often we heard the gag, it was always funny, as there was always a twist.

Gracie Allen was supposedly a scatterbrain.  Yet everything she said made sense when you listened to it.  No one could ever counter what she said for that very reason.  And the American public actually thought she was stupid, buying into it.  When she would go shopping and ask to see a red blouse, she saleswoman would bring her a blue skirt.  Just like people supposed Benny was cheap in real life, and it would cost him five thousand dollars a year in overtipping to prove he wasn't.  (One waitress gave back a tip, saying, "Please Mr. Benny, leave me my illusions.")

Movie stars would appear on 'Lux Radio Theatre' and 'Academy Award Theatre', recreating the films of the day.  Sometimes they would re-create their own films, and other times they would perform other stars' movies.  It was interesting to hear a one hour version of 'The Wizard of Oz' or 'It's A Wonderful Life' and compare them to the film.

Sadly, those days are long gone.  The stars of old-time radio are no longer with us.  We have their shows, however, and can listen to a good portion of them, so they haven't died.  Their memories will linger on, and fondly.

The World's Greatest Audience

He was so cheap whenever he opened his wallet, George Washington blinked from the sun.  Carmichael the polar bear, was helping to guard his vault. He considered himself to be a ladies' man, and his idea of a good date was when they paid.  When asked about his violin playing, his teacher pointed out the strings of a violin were catgut and the strings from the bow were from a horse's tail - - so imagine a horse stepping on a cat.  His eyes were said to have been bluer than the thumb of an Eskimo hitchhiker.  He had enough money that the government borrowed from him.  And although his birth certificate said he was eighty years of age, he'll always be thirty-nine.



Jack Benny and Mel Blanc in a classic Christmas show.

His name was Benjamin Kubelsky, but to millions he'll always be Jack Benny.  Away from the stage, he was one of the nicest people you'd ever want to meet.  Onstage, he was a cheapskate, a pest who didn't realize he was one, the world's worst violin player, and the butt of every joke on his show - which made them all the more funnier.  Benny rarely, if ever, told a joke, and when he tried, was constantly interrupted, which made the situation that much more hilarious.  He was the creator of the fall guy.

But more than anything, Jack Benny was the world's greatest audience.  George Burns, his best friend, could make him roll on the floor without even trying.  They were at a concert given my Jeanette MacDonald.  Before Miss MacDonald let one one note, Burns leaned over and whispered, "Jack, if you start laughing while Miss MacDonald sings, it would be very rude."  That was all it took.  Benny was on the floor, and the two men had to leave.

Another time, they were at a party.  Burns walked over, noticing a thread on Benny's shoulder.  "May I borrow this?", putting it on his own shoulder.  Benny rolled on the ground as Burns walked away with the thread for the rest of the evening.  The following day, Burns mailed it back to him with a thank-you note.  Mary, Benny's wife, called Burns later that day. Benny had been on the floor for half an hour in laughter.

Danny Kaye told of a time when he was golfing with Benny and Kaye was having a bad day on the links, using language he wasn't proud of.  They encountered a group of ladies who let them play through.  Kaye hit a horrible shot, and Benny cringed, knowing what was coming.  Kaye put his hand to his face, simply saying, "Oh dear!"  That was all it took.

Benny never walked out on George Burns' singing, and Burns never walked out on his violin playing.  Now that was friendship. 

But what's interesting about Jack Benny is that no matter how funny he was, anyone - I mean anyone - could make him laugh.  He found humor in anyone and anything.  It wasn't a business to him.  He loved life and those around him.  Comedy needs Jack Benny today, and we've the writers still.  But another Jack Benny?  Forget it.

Johnny Mandel Is A Liar

It has long been believed that suicides rise among those who are alone during the Christmas season.  This is an urban legend and has been disproven by those at http://www.suicideinfo.ca/ .  As a matter of fact, suicide rates have actually dropped during the holidays. 

Why?  The answers are relatively simple. 

1) During the holidays, vulnerable people are around friends and family.  There is a sense of protection.

2) Celebrations around the community remind people of fond memories, hope, and perhaps a renewed outlook.

3) There is an increased awareness of safety-nets such as food banks, shelters and outreach programs during this particular time of year.


There are things to watch for during the holiday season:  Loneliness, depression, feelings of loss, financial burdens, problems with the family, alcohol abuse - all of these can intensity during the holidays.

Tips for Coping:

1)  Plan ahead.  Take time to identify your feelings about Christmas.

2)  Be realistic with what you can afford to give.

3)  Choose to celebrate with those who make you feel positive and hopeful.

4)  Let go of your expectations and make time for what is important for you.

The theme for the movie M*A*S*H, written by Johnny Mandel, is entitled "Suicide Is Painless."  Mr. Mandel is a boldfaced liar as it hurts not only the individual, but everyone who knows them.  What could they have done to prevent it?

If you know of anyone suffering from depression, don't just be around them at Christmas time.  Ensure they have someone around them, letting them know people care for them on a daily basis.  It's a simple task, and one that just might allow them to live to a ripe old age.  And you just might be able to celebrate another Christmas with them.
                                                              

How Do I Know It's Christmastime?

Every year, sometimes even before Thanksgiving, Christmas carols blare from the loudspeakers in the stores.  You hear renditions of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" that would make Gene Autry cringe, and versions of "Frosty the Snowman" that have Jimmy Durante rolling in his grave.  I'm dreading the rap version of "Silent Night". 

There is one tune, however, that has yet to be changed.  It's been around for fifty-five Christmases, and the one time they fiddled with it,  people raised so much havoc, within a day, the original was back.  The revised version has never been heard from since, nor will it ever.

 So what is this tune?  It's an Oklahoma City jewelry store advertisement.  The B.C. Clark Jingle.  It begins running the day after Thanksgiving and ends on Christmas Eve.  We Okies know that Christmas is around the corner once we hear The Jingle.

Santa riding a sleigh to
the tune of the
B.C. Clark Jingle

The lyrics are simple:


Jewelry is the gift to give,                                                

'Cause it's the gift that'll live and live.
So give the gift you know can't fail
From B.C. Clark's Annivers'ry Sale!

Most sales are after Christmas,

But Clark's is just before.

'Most everything is marked way down-

Savings you can't ignore

             

At Oklahoma's oldest jeweler-

Since eighteen-ninety-two.

So give the gift you know can't fail-

From B.C. Clark's Annivers'ry Sale!

You would be amazed how many people all around the United States who have lived in Oklahoma at one time or another know the lyrics to this little tune.  Many people sing along to it when it airs on the radio or television.  In many ways, it has become the Oklahoma Anthem.  It is a commercial we look forward to seeing, as it reminds us of Christmas.  It's an annual tradition, like family get-togethers and caroling.  We love it, and they don't over-saturate us with it.  Just enough to please us.

B.C. Clark knows how popular The Jingle has become, and sells it on CD. Want to send it to someone in the military?  Then it's free.  They've set up a website for The Jingle where you can download it to your cell phone or print up the sheet music.  Clark's has an official Facebook page just for The Jingle.  It has been sung on 'The Tonight Show' by Megan Mullally.  There are countless versions of it on You Tube.  Silly?  Not at all.  It merely unifies people with a common like, in that we all love that little ditty.  You can talk about a particular song, and I'll go, "Huh?"  And you'll do the same on a song I'll bring up.  But ask anyone from Oklahoma about The Jingle, and they'll know immediately what you're talking about.

We know it's Christmastime here in Oklahoma, thanks to B.C. Clark.

http://www.facebook.com/thejingle          http://www.bcclarkjingle.com/history   

                       

Experiences With Angels

We generally think of Christmas as a wonderful time, but for many, it's sad, as with the year ending, they begin to reflect upon what they are without.  This being the case, for them Christmas is a lonely time and they hate it.  It makes the holiday season a very busy time for the angels.

Yes, I believe in angels.  I think they're a lot like Max, whom I wrote about in an earlier blog http://goodolthisanthat.blogspot.com/2010/12/bestest-christmas-movies-ever.html . I think they're a touch crafty, using their imagination in order to get the job done.  They have to be, as if they showed up in robes and wings, people would be thinking, "I thought I took my medication, not acid!" and run the other way. 


Henry Travers as Clarence in It's A Wonderful Life


Some might be like It's A Wonderful Life's Clarence in that they might appear to be absent-minded and bumbling, but come up with the most brilliant of ideas.  We laugh at them, thinking they are incompetent, and they go along with us.  Yet they get the job done.

We use the term 'angel' quite a bit in our lives.  We see a baby girl and "Oh, she's such an angel."  "Your mother had the job of raising you?  She must have been an angel." 

I have been in the presence of actual angels twice in my life that I know of.  If I have any other times, I haven't been aware of it.  But then, they don't blow trumpets and say, "Look at me!  I'm an angel!"  They just do their jobs and go on . . . like Max.

The first time I was too young to know about.  My family has told me this story.  It was December of 1964. I was ten months old and spending my first Christmas in the hospital.  Mom and Dad were rotating twelve hour shifts watching over me.  I was in one of the wards, and children were dying all around me.  I had a heckuva fever, was dehydrated (All the kids were) and convulsions.  Mom and Dad wondering if I'd be next.  One particular night, everyone knew it was this little girl's turn.  She was too far gone.  Dad was sitting up with me, and in the middle of the night, that little girl's father approached Dad and told him, "I just want you to know I'm praying for your little boy."

If you think that didn't affect Dad, you're mistaken.  Think about it.  That man's daughter was dying that night - and he was praying for me?  Makes not one iota of sense, does it?  It had Dad thoroughly confused, to say the least.  But that man's unselfish comment got Dad to thinking, and it led to a change that wound up affecting not only my father, but my family.  And my parents have wound up ministering to thousands of people over the years.  So think about how many people that one comment affected.

That little girl left the hospital with a clean bill of health before I did.  You cannot tell me she and her father were not angels sent there to change our family's lives.  I do not know their names, what they looked like, but don't tell me they weren't angels.

Flash forward forty-two years.  I was working in retail at Academy Sports.  This particular store was built on a hill.  (Please remember this.  It's essential to the story.)  We had been robbed several months before shortly after closing and were preparing to shut down  for the night.  It was a week before Christmas, and business had been brisk.  I was rounding up the last of the shopping carts.  I noticed a man sitting in his car.  He'd been there for a while and had never come in to shop.  I was worried he was going to rob us and let my boss know about him. 

As I finished getting the carts lo and behold, out comes another.  This one had a baby in it.  Okay.  I'll come back for it.  Behind me, I heard yet a second cart .  Strange.  No one else left the store that I saw.  Oh well.  I went back out to get the woman's cart and saw the man getting into his car, then drive away.  The woman told me what had happened:

For the first time ever, she put her merchandise in her car first, instead of her child.  The cart started rolling down the hill, and would have gone all the way to the Northwest Expressway, which of course had a ton of traffic.  Without a word, the man got out of the car, stopped the cart, and pushed it back to her.  Then he got back to his car and simply drove away.  I let her know that he'd never come into the store.  He'd been there only to save her child. "Ma'am," I said, "That man was an angel."  She agreed, and said her child would come to know this story.  I hope (and would wager) she's kept that promise.

When I got into the store, I told my boss and co-workers what had happened.  Our supposed 'suspicious character' was not what he was supposed to be.  (Oh, the apology I owed that man.)  When I said I thought he was an angel, I expected some snide remarks, as retail is a skeptical business.  Instead, I was told by everyone there, "You might be right."  I know I was.

These experiences come to mind this time of year, as they were my Christmas Angels.  They were my Clarences, my Maxes.  They let me know not to get skeptical, not to forget the small miracles as letting someone knowing you're praying for them or pushing a shopping cart can affect lives.

Merry Christmas.