Those Thrilling (And Funny) Days of Yesteryear

People are funny.  We progress from the written page to the Kindle, where we merely read the written page on a hand-held device where it takes us 10% longer, but it's 'neat'.  We've progressed from old-time radio to television and viewing films on the Internet, yet there are groups forming all the time to recreate the classic radio shows and people listen to old radio all the time. 

Why?



Gracie Allen and George Burns

 For one thing, it's darn good.  Jack Benny allowed us to laugh at him, not at his jokes.  George Burns and Gracie Allen got us thoroughly confused, due to Gracie's ramblings.  Bob Hope's monologues cracked people up, and they never knew where he was going to be broadcasting from.  Fred Allen was going to be sharp as a tack.  The Shadow would get the villains, and so would the Lone Ranger.  The door on 'Inner Sanctum' would frighten everyone as it squeaked every week.

Radio allowed the audience to use one's imaginations, something that today's entertainment hasn't done in a long, long time.  The sound effects people actually let us think Jack Benny went way down into the depths of the earth to get his money, using all sorts of alarms.  No matter how often we heard the gag, it was always funny, as there was always a twist.

Gracie Allen was supposedly a scatterbrain.  Yet everything she said made sense when you listened to it.  No one could ever counter what she said for that very reason.  And the American public actually thought she was stupid, buying into it.  When she would go shopping and ask to see a red blouse, she saleswoman would bring her a blue skirt.  Just like people supposed Benny was cheap in real life, and it would cost him five thousand dollars a year in overtipping to prove he wasn't.  (One waitress gave back a tip, saying, "Please Mr. Benny, leave me my illusions.")

Movie stars would appear on 'Lux Radio Theatre' and 'Academy Award Theatre', recreating the films of the day.  Sometimes they would re-create their own films, and other times they would perform other stars' movies.  It was interesting to hear a one hour version of 'The Wizard of Oz' or 'It's A Wonderful Life' and compare them to the film.

Sadly, those days are long gone.  The stars of old-time radio are no longer with us.  We have their shows, however, and can listen to a good portion of them, so they haven't died.  Their memories will linger on, and fondly.

The World's Greatest Audience

He was so cheap whenever he opened his wallet, George Washington blinked from the sun.  Carmichael the polar bear, was helping to guard his vault. He considered himself to be a ladies' man, and his idea of a good date was when they paid.  When asked about his violin playing, his teacher pointed out the strings of a violin were catgut and the strings from the bow were from a horse's tail - - so imagine a horse stepping on a cat.  His eyes were said to have been bluer than the thumb of an Eskimo hitchhiker.  He had enough money that the government borrowed from him.  And although his birth certificate said he was eighty years of age, he'll always be thirty-nine.



Jack Benny and Mel Blanc in a classic Christmas show.

His name was Benjamin Kubelsky, but to millions he'll always be Jack Benny.  Away from the stage, he was one of the nicest people you'd ever want to meet.  Onstage, he was a cheapskate, a pest who didn't realize he was one, the world's worst violin player, and the butt of every joke on his show - which made them all the more funnier.  Benny rarely, if ever, told a joke, and when he tried, was constantly interrupted, which made the situation that much more hilarious.  He was the creator of the fall guy.

But more than anything, Jack Benny was the world's greatest audience.  George Burns, his best friend, could make him roll on the floor without even trying.  They were at a concert given my Jeanette MacDonald.  Before Miss MacDonald let one one note, Burns leaned over and whispered, "Jack, if you start laughing while Miss MacDonald sings, it would be very rude."  That was all it took.  Benny was on the floor, and the two men had to leave.

Another time, they were at a party.  Burns walked over, noticing a thread on Benny's shoulder.  "May I borrow this?", putting it on his own shoulder.  Benny rolled on the ground as Burns walked away with the thread for the rest of the evening.  The following day, Burns mailed it back to him with a thank-you note.  Mary, Benny's wife, called Burns later that day. Benny had been on the floor for half an hour in laughter.

Danny Kaye told of a time when he was golfing with Benny and Kaye was having a bad day on the links, using language he wasn't proud of.  They encountered a group of ladies who let them play through.  Kaye hit a horrible shot, and Benny cringed, knowing what was coming.  Kaye put his hand to his face, simply saying, "Oh dear!"  That was all it took.

Benny never walked out on George Burns' singing, and Burns never walked out on his violin playing.  Now that was friendship. 

But what's interesting about Jack Benny is that no matter how funny he was, anyone - I mean anyone - could make him laugh.  He found humor in anyone and anything.  It wasn't a business to him.  He loved life and those around him.  Comedy needs Jack Benny today, and we've the writers still.  But another Jack Benny?  Forget it.