Art Linkletter's Legacy

I was taking a walk down 10th the other day, and saw our neighbor watering his shrubs.  His little boy, who was about six, was watching him with a keen eye.  Finally, the boy had to ask.  "Whatcha doin', daddy?"

The father replied, "I'm watering the shrubs."

"Why?"  (Let's face it.  Everyone knew that was coming.)

Grinning, the man said, "So they'll grow." 

With an extremely perplexed look, the boy asked, "But daddy, why do you want them to grow?"

Now it was daddy's turn to be confused.  "What do you mean?"

"Wellllllllll . . . You put that stinky stuff on the lawn to make it grow and put all that water on it.  Then you put a whole lotta stinky stuff on the shrubs to make them grow and put a buncha water on them, right?"  His eyebrow cocked, the father simply nodded his head.  "And then, you cut the grass and the shrubs, cuz you say they're getting too high, and when the mower duzzint work, you use words like-"

"Never mind.  I get your point.  Er, why don't you go help you mother?" 

Innocently the boy replied, "She sent me outside."

By now, I was about to bust a gut.  But I was curious as to why this happened.  Matter of fact, so was daddy, who made the fatal mistake of asking.

"Mommy's making a cake, and I asked her why."  The father's face started to fall.  He knew what was coming.  "She asked what I meant, and I told her, 'Every time you eat a piece of cake, you say you shouldn't have done that, as it goes right to your hips.'  So she sent me out here."

Art Linkletter had a show entitled Kid Say the Darndest Things.  This young man would have been a star.  How refreshing children are, and we need to remember to watch our actions and words around them, as we often forget we are the ones who shape their lives.  Enjoy your life, but remember little eyes are always watching.  Mizpah.

Playing Bang-Bang

When the world, my sister's kids, and I were considerably younger, I used to babysit Diana's quartet.  I have to say they were sweet and angelic, as she reads this blog.  Actually, they were well behaved, as they knew Uncle Mickey was a snitch.  Also, their mother had told them Uncle Mickey was the Big Bad Wolf.  So while they loved me, they were scared to death of me.

But we had fun.  You see, we played the entire time, and the kids loved it when we played bang-bang. 

Oh, I know.  The ACLU, PTA, and OEA (Oklahoma Educational Association for you non-Okies) would be down on me had they but known.  Matter of fact, I'd probably be in jail for teaching such a dangerous game to minors.  Yet we had an educational form of bang-bang.

Yes, I said educational.

You see, we'd start out with a fast draw contest.  I'd always tell the kids, "Draw on the count of three."  Of course, I shot them on two.  Now, don't even think of scolding me, telling me what a cheat I am.  But I'm not.  You see, I never said I would draw on three, did I?  Hmmmmmmm?  It took the kids years to figure it out. 

When they finally shot me on two (the cheaters!) I started drawing on one.  Again, it took them months.  Alas, they started cheating again and they drew on one.  It finally got to the point, I'd tell them to draw on the count of three and they would immediately shoot me.

I get a tear in my eye, thinking about how well they learned.

Years later, Mom chastised me, telling me I'd taught her grandchildren to cheat.  Not so, I pointed out to her.  Her oldest grandson, Justin was walking by, and I asked him, "Justin!  What did Uncle Mickey teach you?"

"Never trust anyone," he said, continuing on. 

Mom thought that was horrible, and I pointed out they'd never been accosted by strangers, never hurt by anyone, etc.

I did my uncle's job well.

If only I could outdraw them now.