Look Before You Leap

My family on Dad's side comes from the Oklahoma National Stockyards.  A good portion of them are still out there.  As a matter of fact, my cousin Rob is the president out there.  We've met some interesting characters at the Stockyards, a good portion of them in our own family.  And I can honestly say the two best 'G-rated con artists' I've ever met were my grandfather Joe Fisher and Leland Wallace.

JoJo, as we called my grandfather, would make these ten cent bets with you.  If it was baseball season, he'd wager ten cents the Yankees would hit the first foul ball.  Naturally, they were the visiting team and batted first that day, and I'd be out a dime.  Come football season, he'd bet me that whoever received the opening kickoff would run for a touchdown.  I'd always lose, as he never said they'd score, only that they'd run for it.  (Actually, I won once, as the team called for a fair catch.  I felt guilty and slipped the dime back.)

As sneaky as JoJo was, I have to say Leland has him beat.  He's the one everyone goes to when they want to hear the stories about people out at the Stockyards.  As he tells the stories, Leland's eyes light up like that of a leprechaun.

When boxing was truly popular, people would pay money to watch it on closed circuit television in the arenas, then about a month or so later, the two fighters would sit with Howard Cosell on 'Wide World of Sports' and provide commentary when the fight would be replayed.  In June of 1980, the first Sugar Ray Leonard-Robert Duran match was held, with Duran vicorious.

Jamie, an eleven-year-old kid at the yards who worshipped Sugar Ray, was going on and on about how 'lucky' Duran was, and how he couldn't do it again.  Leland said that they would be fighting on 'Wide World of Sports' soon, never mentioning it would be a replay.  Well, Jamie started yammering about how Sugar Ray would clean Duran's clock this time.  Leland simply said, "I don't think so."  Jamie wanted to make a bet on it, and Leland refused to do so.  Jamie kept raising the stakes, and when Leland refused, the boy went to far as to call Leland afraid.  The man flat out told Jamie he didn't want to take his money, and Jamie finally upped the ante to fifty dollars.  All the while, Leland had that leprechaun's look on his face.  Finally, he accepted the wager, and went out to work with some cattle.

Jamie was chortling, while the rest of us were doing our best not to bust a gut.  He was talking about how he'd put one over on Leland, and finally - - - to shut Jamie up - - - Tommy O'Neal said, "Boy, don't you realize you've just bet on a replay?"  It was hard to tell what Jamie jumped out of first:  His skin or his chair, as he shouted, "Replay?!?"  The funny thing was, he kept insisting Leland cheated him!  Every one of us pointed out he was the one who nagged for the bet, he was the one who ran the amount up to fifty dollars, and he was the one who wouldn't let Leland be.  But Jamie, who was in a daze by now, kept saying over and over, "He cheated me."

When Leland came back in, Jamie ran up to him, insisting he'd been cheated, and Leland pointed out the same things we had.  He also let him know he had no intention of collecting.  But if he ever heard of Jamie making a bet like that again - he was going to collect.

You might think that's an awful trick for a grown man to pull on an eleven-year-old boy.  Think again.  Leland gave Jamie several valuable lessons, whether the boy realized it or not: 

1)  If you're going to bet, make sure you only bet what you can afford to lose.
2)  In all instances, look before you leap. 
3)  Never, ever, bet with a man who grins like a leprechaun.